fear of loosing

Clinging to the bars of the fast moving local train with a half of your body outside may not always be fun for everyone. Its 30 minutes before midnight but the life here is as fresh as if its morning. Tiny creatures placed far away right in front of you form nice patterns rather arranged in the form of arcs ... so beautiful .. sparkling heavenly bodies .. The bigger one, moon, the closest is missing out! .. Probably its hidden within the recently arrived monsoon! ..

The 30 minutes conversation an hour back had in fact charged me well enough to swing even after a hectic schedule. Moving @50 km per hour makes it difficult for your eyes to identify objects closer to you but the ones far tend to remain constant RELATIVELY ... poor then you try to remember the genius Sir Einstein and think what goes into imagining and building such a theory that reasons most occurrences.

Its cold and damp outside. The wind doesn't favour the long grown hair as it tries to play with it .. irritating at times ..

Going back to self ... try imagining you are hung up in your death bed with 4 hours more to go ... after 4 hours may be you would breath your last. Frightening .. right .. not reallie ...

The point is how would you spend these 4 critical last hours???? You got to do a lot of things .. fulfill a lot of commitments .. talk to her .. you are bound .. times going down .. flash ..

CHILL .. rethinking at your state you would probably try to figure out a plan to do the best .. you dont want to loose time. Seconds cant be regained once spent.

This span of yours is limited and all broken up into fragments each bearing a tag .. a fragment reserved for your dad, for mom, for each one you are related to ... even one for you. Each fragment is time bound. She is far away but it feels she is so close .. a time slot is for both of us to stay bound after which may be we part .. i dont know. The conversation just extends ... i would always want to spend more but ther's a limit imposed by nature ...

Sitting alone on the 7th floor of my building i am a bit free this day .. with an internal urge to get back into the conversation .. but the fear of loosing ... fear of loosing your engaging conversations .. fear of loosing time ... time that's allotted to both of us, is too precious for me to waste .. the closer you tend to move the faster the time slot contracts till it is nullified .. i want to talk .. share ideas .. my fingers subconsciously move to my cell .. but the slot reminds me of the infinitesimally small time we can cherish together ...

i lie here in waiting .. with an urge to get closer .. but with a fear of separation held within .. cuz the sand clock is just moving ...

baatien karna to hai .. par darr lagta hai yaar .. yeh pal kahin choot na jaaye ...