Freezing seconds

You wake up from a tiring sleep and there’s another bright sunny morning. Its fresh; may be a mundane one cuz you got to get back into the schedules or a bright one for the new challenges you are going to face this day ... it all depends on how you see it probably. This wasn’t meant to be a fine one for this being, a close friend and mentor. No one knows what’s out there for you the
next second, yet they say its defined!

Lots to do, deals to crack .. calls to make .. plan for the next business trip, mentor youngsters working under you .. evading the heavy rush in the locals .. that’s what has been the way since. We call him "man of instance" .. who believes in getting this done instantly. Not everything can be fine all time ..

The chapati at the breakfast was quite enough to keep the stomach jiggling for the day. Lift takes you down to your parking slot .. there’s a jerk .. hands fail to move .. legs stay cold .. the cells within your body cry for oxygen .. there’s none .. the lungs choke up .. the heart is probably failing so are your senses .. diminishing o2 levels affects your brain big time forbidding it from recognizing all those familiar senses. Eyelids grow tired. Before you start loosing your senses you probably become quite aware that your seconds have started to freeze. That’s a massive heart attack, September 29, 2007, 9:20 AM. We travel together in the 9:40. Local starting from Kalyan usually.

3 minutes ago everything that was existing has turned to a non-existing mystery. His soul .. might be there till all the Hindu rituals are completed. For a second be him, be his soul. You body's growing cold with grieving people all around you. People arranging for rituals. You have run all your life for fulfilling all desires .. loving .. fighting .. preaching experiences .. sharing views .. dreaming .. yet now it all stands still.

Nerves which were once so soft are hardening every second. Nostrils and ear holes are stuffed with cotton for limiting the soul to pass out.. Thumbs are crossed and tied hard; so are the thumbs in your feet. They bathe you, feed you, tear off your clothes .. remove each and every material object attached to your body when you existed .. while you lie there still, preparing for the last journey. Minutes later your body will mingle with the fire and you will become history to be remembered or forgotten with time. Seconds stand freezing.

His cold head was in my palms, for the first time I was holding a nonliving being which once lived and had taught me things I wouldn’t have learnt otherwise. Belief stands far away from my thoughts for i still wait for him to wake up. I stare for a jerk, for a miracle .. for his lips to move ..

They never did.

Still as the deep sea waters, still as the silent rocks .. content in what ever he did .. he isnt gone rather sleeping for a greater cause i cant think of. I wont miss him for his preachings persist in all thoughts and actions of mine. What would be missing is probably the conversations we had .. the time we spent for i cant call him up again .. ever.

Dear for a moment i think of myself lying on the same plane with 8 crossed, fresh bamboo bed and a new white cloth to cover me up as a whole .. and am afraid. Afraid not of traveling for my cremation.. but of missing those moments i could have spent with you, for after my end i cant be with you ever to hear your voice.. for i understand we have traveled far ..

May his soul rest in peace.