Infinite turbulence

Sands once wet and sticky start drying up with the hitting cold breeze as you lie down on the beach, trying to nullify thoughts. Strangely there’s no instance where it goes blank. In front of you there’s the blue ocean turning yellowish-reddish with the setting sun rays hitting and an ever decreasing angle. It might be silent and still as you go deep into the sea yet its not at the borders. There’s an infinite turbulence quite similar to our very own thought process!

This day i was trying to finger keys and learn the scales, tones, quavers, bass, clef and stuff like that, things related to music. I wondered for sometime about my comprehensions of music. I wasn’t able to realize the bigger reason for why i am learning stuff. It was so boring. May be sometimes you just got to accept things as they are and not question why for there lies a greater reason behind and that it may not possibly be revealed before time. For before time it might not be easy for us to comprehend. I was awed at the queries of the 45 year young man of course older than me sitting beside me as we rowed the boat in the lake. A very good friend, once a student at Godrej. I am amazed to see how things have been with him. "I wanted to know your opinion on the cause and the effect chain. Some say its a cycle and for some both are same. What do you say" - he asks. For moments i just grow silent and try explaining. What is it basically? Isn’t it that for a cause we work and our work results an effect which further leads to another cause and so on and so forth. Might be a grammatical slaughter as i try to explain yet i don’t care anymore for i cant make it more simple. Conversations continue as the sun sets and darkness falls .. with love birds all around us enjoying the deep lake waters.

Like the cause you were which had an everlasting effect on all seconds of mine leaving scars that cant be healed...

She is confused in her world, trying to figure out why of everything. Of course trying to know how to get to what she has imagined. She never speaks though and her silence confuses me at times. Infact quite often. What is it ? They say i don’t share things. May be am trying to be lone ejecting out of the normal pace. I should be expressive. Damm it .. I don’t have an answer. Is it that am getting just too much possessive about my thoughts or that am wandering to find reasons which might not just exist. Or that am confused. I cant really say that. Time today has got me back to a place i had started... I was young then with huge energy.. yet my fear stopped me from doing things i could probably have or it could have been mere disbelief. I carry that within me and that makes me so silent. You have never been so close that i could ever share with you things i would have always wanted to .. circumstances have been fair enough to teach me from my own experiences and lives led by others ... it has made me silent for ever may be. For i at this moment am convinced by everything.. am attached to none .. not felt by the tenderness of the chilling wind or the tunes of the music.. am turning hard.. loosing my innocence i always wanted to guard. There’s a silent face yet the infinite turbulence persists behind it and is taking on me overtime. May be i will go far and never for any reason look back at how the days went .. may be i wont be able to write anymore .. assassinating my own kind self .. is it that change is inevitable? For again i am sorrier than ever for you never understood me .. may be time never meant that to be. May be we meet at the crossroads with me portraying how happy and content i am even if portrayal is the thing i hated the most. Or may be there’s a greater reason behind this. I just got to believe that may be someday we meet .... not yet.