Haunted.

15th August 2007, its 9:30 PM .. i am almost done for the day as usual from my sessions. Its been quite interesting though, they say. But at this point its all coming to an end .. my trainees start getting a bit emotional. So do i. It was a nice time 7 days straight with approximately 8 hrs per day on an average has taken each of us closer to the other one. I sure would miss out the coffee .. tea .. lunch .. pranks .. jokes .. the queries. Some of them have plans to come down with me and drop me at the station. We pass on over the Howrah bridge. Victoria memorial is so close. I am a bit excited .. traveling in a first class ac is something i would be experiencing for the first time. Its quite common but am jst getting started. heheheh. Seconds pass on .. I sure would miss all of these moments ..

A couple of months back she called me and asked if i write blogs while i travel .. i never carried a laptop :( but this day it has changed ... i am actually writing this one inside the 1A, Howrah - Puri express .. its fun though but at the same time .... you look back to how it all went, those seconds, those under privileged, the crowed platforms, empty chairs, weeping women, starving kids, students with hopes, empty coffee cups, the old washer man back at the hotel... I wonder if i am doing right! I stand stare at my state, leaning out of the moving train, the ac hurts, i am lone again. Its 10:30 PM, the light rays dim relatively as the train gets some pace. The unique Howrah bridge, starts getting smaller ..

It would be incorrect to call it dissatisfaction; rather a sense of guilt torments me. There are millions who are starve out and here i enjoy burgers. For me the taste is no more persistent. I realize i have become an actor myself. I tend to act, show my levels of satisfaction, by doing things required for that moment yet leaving my thoughts and my beliefs far behind.

All lone in that coosy bed i try sleeping, the sleep stays far away, all those faces and instances creep into my thoughts and leave me agitated. Am doing something i guess .. i don't know where am moving .. but her eyes, his crippled hands, the kids smile, her empty stomach haunts me since... am haunted.