when the mind fails ...

"I was never the way you see me today. Sight lost in deep contemplation of objects, lips tired to move, so is the state of everything in me. My limbs, yeah a part of me has slowly given up on me. Another morning sun, its not yours, damn its mine. It cant be yours. Someone’s trying to cause me harm. Its you who might be working on a plan to kill me. I can believe none. Not even the food that you give me nor the love in your eyes. How do i explain? "

This wont be a strange conversation for people who heal minds.

Its so simple for the yet to be born or the new born, as the parameters they got to fiddle with is so less. Their requirements and understanding is often restricted by their ignorance of things. Mind they say is an assimilation of relatively abstract terms which themselves may not be defined in its true forms. For instance, we might say its composed of thoughts, desire, patterns! .. we call it knowledge. Quite often not all of us think of the why of things for it suddenly starts becoming complex after a certain point. Our ability to co-relate and fix the jigsaw puzzle where in each component or activity is satisfied by a reason; has limitations of its own. Even if we cant comprehend it its quite beautiful.

For instance, look at the new born baby. Does it know anything? I guess it doesn’t, however might have a faint recollection of the past life in cases. That makes him dumb till he forgets it. It feels the pain in the stomach out of hunger and that triggers an action called cry... the kid learns CRY. It looks at a toy for the first time and there’s ATTRACTION. The toy has to be his.. thats where DESIRE is born. Without a desire it would stay where it is .. no evolution takes place and that negates the natures policy of growth! It runs, leaps, loves, fights, crawls.. unit activities increment as time passes on and it sees different things. The net of illusion binds it all his/her life. Loves those for no reason.. cries for no reason .. however reason for me might be nothing yet for him might be just as huge. How relative!

There’s a start - there’s an attraction - there’s a need - the desire - the want and the sheer need to fulfill the want triggers the cycle of evolution. Learning, growing, thinking, loving and experimenting with times.

That’s about us. We like things .. love them .. live them.

What about those?

You see them quite often doing crazy stuff .. Circling round and round for no reason. Hitting themselves hard. Surpassing pain. She's lying on the charcoal stained pavement with clothes barely covering her dirty skin. The hairs tangled and are in deep love with each other. They have stuck. The sun comes up and goes down. There’s down pour.

“… it barely has an impact on me. They look at me with strange looks wondering at my actions as if am a different component of the planet. They cant embrace me or talk to me for they are all afraid. Afraid not of me but of themselves getting pissed off at my comprehension of things. May be. For in their dictionary I am the so called mad, mentally disabled. What do I do, where do i go .. you can never understand me ... can just stand and console. Beat me up for my actions.. Get frustrated for i dont react to all you say like a normal being... “

..Like this particular article "when the mind fails" which has no beginning and no end and is faintly connected making perhaps a little sense yet stressing your grey cells.

“ .... some call it Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, schizophrenia. There was a time when i was no different than you and this time you have made me so different. Time cycles and goes but am stuck. Stuck for i cant think.. my senses are all dead .. limbs failed .. i don’t see sense in anything ... yet am living. Dear dont look at me and cry that’s something not worth it.. live me the way i am .. i wonder if there shall be a morning .. a morning of meaning .. something that makes a lil bit of sense. May be then i will be liberated. But of now nothing makes a meaning absolutely nothing. …”

Prisoned in the delusion of my consciousness, i am but restricted by the personal desires... yet that’s the bonding and i guess our task is to free ourselves, widening the circle of compassion, embracing all creatures and the whole of it. Certainly we cant achieve that, however striving for such an achievement, in itself is liberation. Dear how do i tell you that you and your longing are the reasons of me pushing upfront. Some say it would be an inconvenient truth for you and that my mind is a lil more inclined towards your omini present structure. Is it that the slightly differed thought patterns of mine is the sole reason for your ejection. I understand the intensity of attraction eventually decreases with increasing distance, yet why .. is a question though. Should i drive myself towards you evading all resistive forces even if that is yours or do i live in my shell contemplating and being happy in your happiness? Or may be that i should bribe and drive this mind towards a nonexistent base ... to a stage where the mind fails and there’s nothing? There’s no fear, no attraction, no bonding ... its liberation in not so absolute sense.. for you will look at me with sympathy and me finding no sense. Neither in you nor your comprehension .. nothing. The base of everything :) .. they say!

BTW for you dear, I just wonder if we can sit down ever and me lying in thy lap with your palm on my forehead .. engaged in a conversation. Will you speak to me .. will any day in our lives make some sense?