The clocks ticking 3 AM. You know it. You are lying down. Asleep. Probably!! At times it blacks out .. sometimes people from distant relationships appear and you start talking .. the actions for tomorrow are probably taking shape.. confessions for some mistakes you have committed .. instances that are in no way close .. alien objects ..
DREAMS are they. Your body is relaxed for you have reached your physical limits and each part of your body probably has to rest before it can be active for another day! This mind of yours doesn’t calm. It can still sense the movement of the fan overhead .. sense the barking of dogs outside .. sense the seconds ticking. A deep urge to calm this mind rises but in vain. For its again mind has to calm mind which aint possible I guess! ... Its close to dawn again .. sleep is far .. mind is working. I wonder when will it sleep even if for a while.
The morning sun has come up.. even if the mind wants to calm down .. the time has passed. You cant allow it to calm any more .. how funnie! Hehe.. when you want it to calm it doesn’t and when it wants you cant. Probably that’s the thing with all of us .. the ones we like are never our ours and we never become of those who like us the most.
The days on. Unlike others its supposed to be a spare one. A weekend. Hopefully you can spend time ... discarding every other element attached so far ..far away on a walk... never knowing it would be another story!
As you walk down the meadows .. on the highlands amongst the green trees on the un-tarred road far from the polished mumbai .. you would realize how far you have come .. how beautiful things are.. you have missed them so much .. never realizing that you ever did.
Close to dusk, there are kids trying hard to make their kites fly for the wind is not that strong. We did it days back! There’s this abandoned railway line close to the abandoned quarters at the outskirts of the city. No trains run. There’s no sign of any living being in any of these stained buildings with broken windows. Its been here for more than 30 years. This building would have had been a spectator to a hundred stories .. of a hundred families who lived there once. I am stuck .. as i touch one of the walls .. theres something which takes me back .. perhaps the life in the building .. it wants to say something .. I cant become one of those abandoned. Or may be .. with time.
Like the sharp turns of the flowing water in a stream thoughts pass by .. The passerbies look at me, with strange eyes. Does it matter? hehehe .... thats wht its been ..
Dear you sneak in somehow .. and am lost again. I try to tell a story to this mind of mine.
I say "Lets pretend that we aint human beings any more, nor me nor she, nor you. Dear mind am just being a good friend. Look at the sunflowers on the ground.. So beautiful .. so many. What do you see?"
Mind: "I see large golden yellow flowers, petals spread and all directed towards the sun."
I say: "Thats true .. every sun flower loves the sun and so these flowers move the way the sun moves probably seeking it each point. Hoping that one day probably they would be together. Haha poor.. see its so funnie.. these flowers are in the ground and the sun is far up there.. they cant reach ... what could possibly happen is nothing more than the time these flowers can relish the feeling of being close. Just a feeling and longing. Not seeking. Same is with you. Let go of it.. calm down."
I dont get answers anymore. Its not that the time stops. Everything’s cool. The winds blowing .. I can sense it. Its just that mind has started calming down. There's some reaction in the eyes .. eyelids attract and close as I see ...
… crossed legs, wide legs .. wide arms .. rolling around .. round and round .. with thy hands on my shoulders .. eyes lost in you.. lips bound .. ears tuned into the song streaming in .. mind calmed down .. hearts beating a lil better for dear you are with me for some moments with your feet on mine swaying away to the tune. There’s an unmasked joy within quite evident from the smile on the face .. :) .. don’t worrie there’s no one around in the field.. even if there’s anyone they would only see a being doing crazy actions without music .. swaying hands here and there .. smiling like a psychologically disabled .. talking to self .. for they cant see you dance with me. I can. Its just that i cant sense if your palms are warm or cold.
You are but a creation of this mind .. yeah I know am being selfish to steal your time each moment without even asking you.. for I like it... Its me .. and my liking .. lesser about you.. am guilty .. but how do I tell you dear I cant help it. Do you mind? I tried bribing this mind to go far .. someway or the other you seem to cling .. i wouldn't go close . yet .. how do I explain this mind... may be am lost .. or this mind is. I would try next time. Again with a better force. May be .. a day might come when this mind can be like those abandoned charcoal stained buildings lost in a story of its own .. never bothering you .. nor stealing your seconds .. sleeping for a while .. someday .. not yet.
Will try again next night asking the feeling to fade away .. or is it that am trying to find an easy way out? Am sure you haven't read any of these .. we ain't that close ... :) its just a frame of mind ..
DREAMS are they. Your body is relaxed for you have reached your physical limits and each part of your body probably has to rest before it can be active for another day! This mind of yours doesn’t calm. It can still sense the movement of the fan overhead .. sense the barking of dogs outside .. sense the seconds ticking. A deep urge to calm this mind rises but in vain. For its again mind has to calm mind which aint possible I guess! ... Its close to dawn again .. sleep is far .. mind is working. I wonder when will it sleep even if for a while.
The morning sun has come up.. even if the mind wants to calm down .. the time has passed. You cant allow it to calm any more .. how funnie! Hehe.. when you want it to calm it doesn’t and when it wants you cant. Probably that’s the thing with all of us .. the ones we like are never our ours and we never become of those who like us the most.
The days on. Unlike others its supposed to be a spare one. A weekend. Hopefully you can spend time ... discarding every other element attached so far ..far away on a walk... never knowing it would be another story!
As you walk down the meadows .. on the highlands amongst the green trees on the un-tarred road far from the polished mumbai .. you would realize how far you have come .. how beautiful things are.. you have missed them so much .. never realizing that you ever did.
Close to dusk, there are kids trying hard to make their kites fly for the wind is not that strong. We did it days back! There’s this abandoned railway line close to the abandoned quarters at the outskirts of the city. No trains run. There’s no sign of any living being in any of these stained buildings with broken windows. Its been here for more than 30 years. This building would have had been a spectator to a hundred stories .. of a hundred families who lived there once. I am stuck .. as i touch one of the walls .. theres something which takes me back .. perhaps the life in the building .. it wants to say something .. I cant become one of those abandoned. Or may be .. with time.
Like the sharp turns of the flowing water in a stream thoughts pass by .. The passerbies look at me, with strange eyes. Does it matter? hehehe .... thats wht its been ..
Dear you sneak in somehow .. and am lost again. I try to tell a story to this mind of mine.
I say "Lets pretend that we aint human beings any more, nor me nor she, nor you. Dear mind am just being a good friend. Look at the sunflowers on the ground.. So beautiful .. so many. What do you see?"
Mind: "I see large golden yellow flowers, petals spread and all directed towards the sun."
I say: "Thats true .. every sun flower loves the sun and so these flowers move the way the sun moves probably seeking it each point. Hoping that one day probably they would be together. Haha poor.. see its so funnie.. these flowers are in the ground and the sun is far up there.. they cant reach ... what could possibly happen is nothing more than the time these flowers can relish the feeling of being close. Just a feeling and longing. Not seeking. Same is with you. Let go of it.. calm down."
I dont get answers anymore. Its not that the time stops. Everything’s cool. The winds blowing .. I can sense it. Its just that mind has started calming down. There's some reaction in the eyes .. eyelids attract and close as I see ...
… crossed legs, wide legs .. wide arms .. rolling around .. round and round .. with thy hands on my shoulders .. eyes lost in you.. lips bound .. ears tuned into the song streaming in .. mind calmed down .. hearts beating a lil better for dear you are with me for some moments with your feet on mine swaying away to the tune. There’s an unmasked joy within quite evident from the smile on the face .. :) .. don’t worrie there’s no one around in the field.. even if there’s anyone they would only see a being doing crazy actions without music .. swaying hands here and there .. smiling like a psychologically disabled .. talking to self .. for they cant see you dance with me. I can. Its just that i cant sense if your palms are warm or cold.
You are but a creation of this mind .. yeah I know am being selfish to steal your time each moment without even asking you.. for I like it... Its me .. and my liking .. lesser about you.. am guilty .. but how do I tell you dear I cant help it. Do you mind? I tried bribing this mind to go far .. someway or the other you seem to cling .. i wouldn't go close . yet .. how do I explain this mind... may be am lost .. or this mind is. I would try next time. Again with a better force. May be .. a day might come when this mind can be like those abandoned charcoal stained buildings lost in a story of its own .. never bothering you .. nor stealing your seconds .. sleeping for a while .. someday .. not yet.
Will try again next night asking the feeling to fade away .. or is it that am trying to find an easy way out? Am sure you haven't read any of these .. we ain't that close ... :) its just a frame of mind ..
2 comments:
How True is dat! ! "when you want it to calm it doesn’t and when it wants you cant. Probably that’s the thing with all of us .. "
The best part bout ur writing is the description of rememberance...." steal your time each moment without even asking you.."
Fabulous!! Continue writing :)
U always do justice with the art of writing.BeautiFULLY laid down. She is a lucky girl. God bless.
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