Like every morning, this one is a great one. Tomorrow's sun will bring great excitement as love is in the air. From Newspapers, fm's, tv channels to the archies and roadside rose hawkers everyone excited about the coming day! So am I :) This guy a close friend, i have known for 6 years now, as I walk tells me a story of the one far away. I dont know much. But... somehow... i am trapped into the conversation of 45 mins before dawn. His quest to answer questions, her quest to overcome her challenges and their quest to be together...
"A million seconds have passed by and the seconds keep ticking with your thought staying constant; relative to the movement of the ticker on your hand. I cant but let these thoughts leave me. May be I dont want to or may be I just failed doing it so...
However, its about the question I once asked to the one whos half a reason for whom I was born. The other half rarely answered any eventually leaving no questions in my bucket. This guy, took me around to all places he possibly could with his age old humber, showed me things and trained me how to call them by names. The train, bridge, dog, horse and off course what should I call him too :P Initial days were not as funny for I could hardly realize the entire thing. These were too large for my eyes and mind. I remember once when he bought my first tractor, the pink one, i was least interested in it and more interested in the horse which came across the way. He had an answer as to why we couldnt take that horse home and why this tractor is safe for me. Rationality being the horse could throw me away and I would be hurt and the tractor will never do so ;P For every question, be it an equation or what I should be eating or a question from the english poems or the story of inchcape rock, this guy had a way of explaining it all. Both of us were younger than we are now, then.
The people I knew grew as he pushed me to the places like school and college which I wonder if he ever had the advantage to be in. In the beginning of 1989, this guy I remember taking me to a park beside the school, Its as fresh as can be, I had never seen such a childrens park, four swings, two see-saw, two merry-go-round, and a lot more. The best school it was then. I thanked him only to watch him smile and not react. It was all great, till the time when I realised the growing distance between us for my questions remained in his bucket for long long time without an answer. Be it seeking a bicycle or a question as to why hes doing what he did. To an extent, when I was all out of faith. Had possibly stopped believing. Only words I can remember is "a day will come when you will understand"
Today, as I stand in the awe of things and ponder upon the times passed, it feels good. For a few years now, dear, the way it all started, i think we started off with a barren land. A land where nothing was ever grown. In the initial years the farmer goes down and across the land to feel its properties. He waits for the seasons to come and go. He looks around at the adjacent cultivated lands, some with a great harvest, some with little and a few lying barren. He thinks, observes and learns the art of cultivating. Decides on what should be grown. He experiments. Perhaps the way we did.
Small meetings, a few interactions, a few times which I am sure you would have spend in thinking about me the way I would have. Never saying how much pain you took for I can feel it. We went down and across the plane of love. We started cultivating it. Eventually realising that loves not easy. It shouldn’t be. For as every beautiful thing has a price and in love, I think pain is the price one has to pay. If thats the most beauiful thing and you would wish to experience it, dont you think you got to pay for it. You ought to. Times passed, sir as we walked.
I stood once outside the glass window pane with my barbie on the other side on the verge of an auction. Something happened. Perhaps the intensity of the force that binds us together grew a lot larger than the force of auction itself. Luckily the barbie at the other side of the window pane did look at me. It was that night.
What would you do when one night, the one whom you have liked so much for long confesses about the liking the other person has for you and that its identical? Cry? Scream? Ask yourself what next? Probably scream your heart out at the top of your voice in the roof of one of those tallest buildings... getting back to normal. Stand for a while facing the deep ridges, open arms, contemplating about the times to come, being afraid of loosing it ... and smiling within, for the invisible force emerging from the sheer pursuit to reach the other being is rising...
That land sir, we have started cultivating years ago. For you it may not make sense for you dont see the quantity of harvest. For you its still the same barren land. So is for every other person, who looks at the land. For us its different. Its just that the we believe, the seasons would change, the summer would go, the rains will come and so will the spring. A day will come when it will be ready for the harvest and harvest as we saw. Yes sometimes it’s difficult, for I go down on energies for I get tired of seeing the barren land. She does sometimes, for she’s scared of draught may be. The risks that lie if the rain turns into flood. Risk of the summer becoming harder to dry up the entire land. Risk of pests.
That’s always there with everything and that shall remain so. I cant answer the questions on risks if you ask me. For I also understand they are there and they shall always be. However I can possibly, in fact we together can work out on mitigating controls to contain the risks. Life’s uncertain so is everything. Yet for the fear of uncertainty do we ignore something which is so certain. The questions I had once for which he smiled and told me that I would understand overtime, I think for her questions i can but share the same. Eventually with time, I am sure a day would come when the land would be ready for harvest for the work over years will not go in vain. It doesn’t.
The phases of being young, being intimate and eventually preparing to face the sunset of life. I am certain on one thing, change is inevitable for a few things I guess its constant. The pursuit is. The longing to be with you. The feeling. Tomorrow will be a great day for everyone, so shall it be for both of us too. We know we are distant away. So what? The sunflower is distant away from the sun always but follows the sun. The sun is far away but we feel the heat. God is never seen yet we believe. Shes not there yet I feel. I am not there yet she seeks."
Coming from the school of rationality, where my day begins and ends with reasons attached to the material world, this guys words, knocks me somewhere. I dont know if what he said makes any sense or is there any reason in her conviction. What I do know is it can’t be just like that. Perhaps I got to go down, till the land with my own hands, wait for the seasons, wait like them and may be beyond that I shall feel what they feel like. If only I had someone like the barbie this guy had and if only my barbie looked at me ;)…
Never mind, assuming that my barbie is somewhere, I don’t know where, and assuming that this guys belief is all true, I cant but wish, a happy valentine day to her wherever she is… waiting for time to take me to her and her to me…
1 comments:
Hence they rightly say "relationships are like seeds, they need to be cared and nurtured".. Beautifully compared the cultivation of land with the relationships.. :)
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