…repshiw

Wonderful it is the mind, one of the most intriguing components of the human body. Perhaps there’s a lil less explanation of how it works yet this is what controls and directs it all. Like the dark matter which remains a secret that occupies most of the universe. Interesting it is to see how it works, fundamental outcome being a thought. Thoughts that have been a reason of my fascination. A new born is relatively free for the thoughts are free and limited in dimension. For perhaps the mind is only tamed by the extent it has seen. For the child the extent is the few lil things its originator shares. Be it the doll or the stars of the night. It can only imagine it half way.

There used to be a time when I looked up at the stars every night in the clear sky above the terrace. I could hardly make out what they would be as a child. Exciting they were these little sparkling white diamonds in the dark sky with an embedded large circle, the moon. That was before I could ask or express my anxiety to know what these so called stars actually were. I met this guy, and i think he was my only friend then. A lot large than me, so large to fit myself in his arms. This guy I admired perhaps had an answer to all my questions. An intelligent guy he was. He had an explanation for everything, be it rains or how is a rainbow caused! I remember how he used to create rainbows on the terrace by blowing a mouth full of water in the direction of sun rays creating a rainbow as he caught hold of me to bathe.

This guy, once told me as he was trying to make me sleep "can you see up there, the seven bright stars in the shape of a pan, these are the seven sages. when we grow old we leave everyone and become a star. my mother, your grandmother is out there somewhere. one day when you wont find me, remember to look up I will be watching you". It didnt make much sense to me then for I was happy that he would be there anyways alltime. What difference would it make if hes there beside me or up there as a star if all that was true. I told him "I am not as bright, i wish i were, i would have been a star then..."


A child I guess is the purest form of man and with time it evolves wading through circumstances sometimes successful in protecting the deep innocence somewhere, and at times in due course of an attempt for survival turns into an actor faking every little expression. Growing up I understood that these stars are perhaps forms of larger astronomical bodies like the sun million light years away. Today as i look up its not the stars of his definition but of the real perhaps. Yet this mind finds comfort in his rationale. Who knows perhaps one day I will become a star!

Its not about the stars or how the mind works or the thoughts, perhaps its more of a belief, state and transformation we all go through in the span that governs us. We wake up one morning so bright and there’s a lil voice somewhere deep within knocking the heart and eventually the mind saying perhaps that’s what I have been waiting for. The wish! Overtime this wish turns into a deep desire we start talking about. The desire moves through a roller coaster ride driven by the circumstances never seen before some creating joy, passion and others creating sorrow. Circumstance and the so called rules created by man to rule man, dampen the smaller truth. Falsifying its very own existence. Pushing you through the various stages man calls the stages of loss, being denial anger… whatever. The child within dies a slow death being engulfed into the rules marching each day to an unknown end accepting the way it is. Pacifying itself of its own actions to be a part of its destiny never knowing if that were the destiny. A heart which once spoke, made a noise about its wants being silenced to death. Wants cease to exist. Life but adapts and moves.

Life they call it. And evolution it is from a child to a man. Successful he is who survives the transformation. Salvated they are who perform the righteous. Right is something they have been told. Right rules are what man makes. Good and bad is defined by man’s own thought. Society it is which they make which governs them. Indifference, is created by the origin on which man has no control. Looking closely, I wonder if there’s a meaning to all this. Life itself! YOU create man, man is made to suffer, you play with him, man dies yet man seeks you. The question remains as to why you create man at the first place? Just because you have a selfish reason that man by suffering should understand and accept your power and feel how helpless you make him. Crawl back to you as you place him back on the earth because hes probably done a mistake he knows not. Is it that you like playing with us? They ask me not to deny life for it turns to be a sin. Who defines a sin? Isn’t living life itself which is nothing but an outcome of the responses that we receive to give to our environment, by the so called deep interactions of this mind, heart and soul a sin where everything is in a state of spar?

I don’t know if YOU are true or you are a mere creation of the human mind. I don’t know if there is any rationale to all this. What I do know is perhaps it’s the way it is. Perhaps something’s are beyond all reason. What I do know is perhaps all this would have no answer and like every other question and voice it will be a whisper that would mingle off into space without a response. Span being in a state of wait as they say hope is sometimes the best thing. Same goes for a few things, I wonder if any of this makes sense. Man loves, the feelings come, man denies the feeling, man accommodates for a few can and the other waits for an infinite time seeking a definitive end. Perhaps an end to its very own existence. For the mind seeks and shouts and screams where all of this mingles into the darkness of the night seeking a response…A child which was true once is damped and silenced overtime turning him into a living-being that lives with a life it wants not. A voice turning whisper eventually mingling into the space known by none. Perhaps… death is a gift as he rightly says, you know not, where life becomes a sudden whisper that fades into the space...

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