uncertain seconds

Its hard to forget her smile ... she still stands in front of me with her pink garment ... I try to eat but "is she eating?", I try to sleep, close my eyes but the devilish touch she might be trying to protect herself from, shakes me. Like a pendulum i roll right-left-right for long .. sit alone on the bed and cry .. she doesnt leave me .. "Is she sleeping? What would be happening with her?". The soft bed has become so thorny.

It was Sunday evening and i was inside a bar beside the Mulund-Thane track. That was so dull an atmosphere lit by low powered lamps. Statures with glowing body, the fair skinned females were the only source of reflection and attraction. Pushing myself into the extreme corner of a table i sat with an awkward feeling and strange guilt. They stared at me with their smile cuz i ordered cocktail instead of wine.

There was this girl Swati(name changed) diagonally 6 feet away leaning on a table with her friends. She stared at me constantly so did i. Her hair was not tugged rather left free yet polished. Those tender lips left stressed by unknown forces. There was an innocence in her eyes like a magnet attracting me into her agony. I changed my place with my back facing her, for seeing her being called upon by strange men with mere intention of the fleshy touch was far painful. Within moments even she changed her position standing right in front of me again. She came up to me and said "aap aise chup baithe achhe nahin lagte". She moved, for there was some one calling ... someone who would pay her for her body.

Her age was far tender than me or some of my friends who are girls. Words dont strike me at the moment ... cuz what happened for 120 minutes was an exchange of ideas, pain smile .. no speech or touch ... she stood there may be hoping i would call her up .. and i sat all alone ... thinking about the "uncertain seconds" of her life .. Crying is not a man's act they say .. may be am not a man to hold tears back...

Do they have no right for recognition, respect, dignity .. no right to live a life most are privileged to lead? I cant take her home, that would be sympathy ... i cant help .. that would be disgrace ... but can see her smile stare at me called by those strange men .. touched with an inhuman heart ... Swati am sorrier than ever for being the so called man who is crippled ... i talk of theories, life, problems with a vision to be with some of the so called intelligent crowd .. but i feel to be from the weakest masses on earth who can see you being molested ..

May be most of my friends who are girls might not talk to me after this .. but the bar was the place i saw truth .. only truth .. the real side of life ..

Words limit me ...