There’s always a deep relationship that exists with what you see .. how you perceive and how you react to what happens around you. Instances, principles, in fact a lot of factors tend to be the governing principles which direct the growth of a young kid. Its quite interesting how human beings react to a thing. I am no abnormal.
Sitting alone long nights @work made some of my colleagues panicky! One said "yaar tu to is dabbe ke saath dabba ban gaya hai .." Some say come on why do you make things so complicated. She says, "why dont have a normal life"... some .. "what are you making of yourself" ..
Its not to prove that am right at what am doing or trying to impose my ideas .. its jst a way i have been into with conscious efforts though. My backs crooked a bit, but that has a reason. i am afraid. Its not that am not attracted .. I am. But do i own the right to express myself out even if that might hurt her? Isn’t that insane. I am attracted .. fine .. that can stay with me keeping the entire system consistent even if it shakes me within each moment. For shaking the entire system may not be worth the time you spend. It has to turn into chaos again. i don’t know...
Someone once said all men tend to be bastards .. i never had a reply and was deeply hurt by what could make a lady go to such an extent. Its made me silent. For i wouldn’t want to one among those to pop out from the blue trying to prove what ever i feel within .. when the systems running fine. For I would love to remain in waiting, living with you within all silent spaces of mine .. rather than loosing you ..
I am deeply in love .. i don’t miss you for you persist each second i go lone .. Its your small time you spent with me that i own and nothing else that keeps me moving. "Love cannot be a conscious choice" she tells me and so it has been with me as well ... You cannot choose whom you want to fall in love with .. it jst happens .. but then do you own the right to express?? I dnt knw.. How do you know what’s on her mind .. how would she take it .. Perhaps its a randomly overloaded function with huge set of parameters and any mistake in calling would lead to a total rejection with a return so painful; forbidding your words from becoming voice. You become silent.
Even i would want to lie down in her arms ... feel the gentle breeze .. sip coffee .. jump with her amidst the waves .. look at her innocent actions .. live a life .. not like the loner trying to workaround systems .. dissecting them .. getting into them just because am afraid to come out of it. For its so lone outside. I dont know when .. cant say why .. will time take me there ??
Sitting alone long nights @work made some of my colleagues panicky! One said "yaar tu to is dabbe ke saath dabba ban gaya hai .." Some say come on why do you make things so complicated. She says, "why dont have a normal life"... some .. "what are you making of yourself" ..
Its not to prove that am right at what am doing or trying to impose my ideas .. its jst a way i have been into with conscious efforts though. My backs crooked a bit, but that has a reason. i am afraid. Its not that am not attracted .. I am. But do i own the right to express myself out even if that might hurt her? Isn’t that insane. I am attracted .. fine .. that can stay with me keeping the entire system consistent even if it shakes me within each moment. For shaking the entire system may not be worth the time you spend. It has to turn into chaos again. i don’t know...
Someone once said all men tend to be bastards .. i never had a reply and was deeply hurt by what could make a lady go to such an extent. Its made me silent. For i wouldn’t want to one among those to pop out from the blue trying to prove what ever i feel within .. when the systems running fine. For I would love to remain in waiting, living with you within all silent spaces of mine .. rather than loosing you ..
I am deeply in love .. i don’t miss you for you persist each second i go lone .. Its your small time you spent with me that i own and nothing else that keeps me moving. "Love cannot be a conscious choice" she tells me and so it has been with me as well ... You cannot choose whom you want to fall in love with .. it jst happens .. but then do you own the right to express?? I dnt knw.. How do you know what’s on her mind .. how would she take it .. Perhaps its a randomly overloaded function with huge set of parameters and any mistake in calling would lead to a total rejection with a return so painful; forbidding your words from becoming voice. You become silent.
Even i would want to lie down in her arms ... feel the gentle breeze .. sip coffee .. jump with her amidst the waves .. look at her innocent actions .. live a life .. not like the loner trying to workaround systems .. dissecting them .. getting into them just because am afraid to come out of it. For its so lone outside. I dont know when .. cant say why .. will time take me there ??
The titles not mine .. its her who expressed it better that i would. thanks for everything.
2 comments:
i read unconscious choice ...
its been a long time since i have come across such a passionate confession of an unseen love.
U r amazing, and so is your writing.
keep it up :)
Debabrata/Rubin
love is indeed an uncoscious choice. But to express it or not is very much a conscious decission. When you get hiccups you search for water. You never know whether the person you are asking has it or not. But without any inhibitions you keep on going from person to person in your quest for water as it would stop your hiccups. Similar is the pine for love. So why are we so scared of asking. Is it the fear of rejection or the assumed suerity of it. But whatever it is if we are not asking then i guess the need has not become a necessity. You are yet to want it bad enough cause you still are carrying a mental block. The day you want it that badly you leap over it. I dont believe in love of my life concept. As we move on from person to person to quensh our thirst similarly love is required to quench our soul. We are always in the look out for it. The quest ends when we get it and it resumes when we losse it. It is as simple as that. What is not simple is our assimilation of our own emotions with respect to our object of affection.
Post a Comment