open window

"I have been trying a lot to make it up to have a conversation with you!"

That would make no sense for you dear, for your ears cant hear me. You are on the other side of the large glass window, jaded with all the precious ornaments and the illumination that might rarely let anyone go without looking at you. Am probably one from the crowd again.

Well, it was never my conscious choice to come accross you. That was a day post the office hours, with a cup of steamed corn i was strolling back home when I saw you for the first time. They call it the Toy Store. Little did I know ...


Nothing bothered me, not the down pour, nor the people passing by who seemed to be constantly looking at me. Neither their irritation because i was blocking their way! How would i stare at you otherwise? Not even the other beings looking at you and being with you with the advantage to be on the other side inside the store. Absolutely nothing bothered me, not even the barrier we had, the glass pane.

The way you looked at me, even if the eyes were not so real, took me away to a different space. A space on the highlands where its all green, with the sun setting deep without a horizon, birds flying back home and your warm palm in mine. For me there was nothing, apart from your beautiful face, your lips and thy words. I wish I could stay there for a lifetime. I have never been so close, never felt the warmth, never been embraced the way you did it to me. Bang!

I guess I have gone too far in my thoughts. Cant stop them dear, am sorrie. Its these thoughts which knows no limits, no boundaries like the wind which fills any space and finds ways through the slighest of slits, always free. I am afraid, for this physical body, cant ever match its pace. Out of the blue this young hunk appears, on the other side close to you behind the pane. Hes got the advantage to be a lot closer to you than I could possibly be. It seems he loves you the way I do :)

The way you look at me is not distracted by his intervention. I wonder. So much love, i have never felt before. Yet dear, somethings come in. I look at you and the young handsome guy, look at myself and questions come in. Hes a benchmark. Can I come in and take you away I ask? I look around, my pockets filled yet its not enough! Even if it did, would you want to come out with me for a long walk in the rains? May be it would be exciting in speech but the facts! Umm real's a little more difficult I guess. Even if you did, would you be happy? I wonder. Probably you would be sad! What if I let you go with the hunk? You may not be happy initially, yet in the long run probably that would make more sense, for I would see you happier than you would have been with me. What do I do? Stare, trash the pane, wage a resistive force and take you away? Questions are they ...

What do we do then? Probably create a set of dreams, pen it down somewhere, look at each other in silent contemplation. Smile. Be in that moment ever longing yet never seeking. I dont know. About me? Ahh.. silly me I guess. I should have realised that long before yet dear, something forbade me. I had never seen such truth ever before and had become little more selfish to collect all time, I could have had with you. Its not as if it wouldnt hurt me and I could just walk away. It can never be. I think it lasts for ever. I would start feeling feeble the moment I tell this to you and watch you go since you have been my strength always. Yet I think should I hold you for my own reasons or let you go free and wait to see what would become of us?

Or may be I would go away for a little while, fill in the pockets become at par with the handsome guy come back and take you away. May be that would be logical. But then time would be a question though. Hes all ready to take you away. Its just seconds away ... he would proabably swipe his card, pay the bill and you would be his for ever, leaving me here to live in his palace somewhere. Never being bothered by the rains for he will drive you there. As of me I would be left with nothing apart from the memories we share ... I wish i had a little more time. Fair enough :)

Telling you all this would make a lot of sense if only I could, but with our states, I see you at the other side of the pane, a non living beautiful doll, the barbie. Would you hear me out? Can you? .. I wonder... Hours from now once you are purchased and packed, you will be taken away. I would never get a chance to see you. I would probably stand here for a little more time letting those eyes to damp and dry. Drive back into thoughts for a while to be with you as always. They would smile and make no sense out of my actions. And as they say, the world never stops, even I would walk back home. Nothing ever stops but I bet for somethings it has to. Its bound. The memories for instance.

Every evening when I would watch out from the open window, look at the hills and the birds flying back home, I would probably miss you then. My hands would be empty. Eyes would go damp. Heart would probably shed some drops... Mind would console, and make a story, a reason as to how I was never destined to be with you. Missing you for life, living in a longing. Longing like the open window, which longs to be closed... Even that would hurt you I guess. I dont know! But even if it did how do I lessen the impact? How do I make you forget me? Someone said me sometime "out of sight out of mind". Would that work dear? Doesnt for me though ... somehow it would persist. If only i had known the why of it...

Why is this mind so logical always? Am tired .. I wish I could just humm around with you singin "kis taraf hai asman kis taraf zameen khabar nahin ...". Only if I could. Hehe the paradox of this mind. Cant I fullfill some of the dreams of this barbie then we had penned down? What say dear? Thats the story of this guy standing on the roads adjacent to the large beautiful building where shes placed for a bid, the barbie with a tag of xxxxxxxxxx.xxx$, I unconsciously fell in love with, without watching my pockets.....